The Positive–Negative Asymmetry of the Brain
Why Your Brain Focuses On What’s Wrong
Your brain is not to make you happy
Your brain is designed to keep you alive.
For thousands of years, this creates a built-in asymmetry.
Negative weighs more than positive
Have you ever noticed how one negative comment sticks, while you forget all the positive ones?
Or received lots of positive feedback, but still fixated on the one thing that wasn’t good?
That's totally normal, because negative experiences have more impact than positive ones:
- They feel stronger.
- They last longer.
- They get your attention faster.
One mistake can outweigh ten things that went well.
That’s not a flaw. That’s how your brain is wired.
What science calls the negativity bias, I explain as positive-negative asymmetry
This is why you focus on what’s wrong
It's a default survival mechanism.
To stay safe your brain keeps scanning for:
- the "bad'
- what’s not working
- what could go wrong
- what needs to be fixed
- what is not enough
Even when good things are happening, your attention goes somewhere else.
This is why you don’t always feel better, even when things go well
You can have:
- progress
- good moments
- things going right
- goals being achieved
And still feel:
- frustrated
- behind
- not good enough
- not having enough
It's this ever-moving goal post.
Your brain isn't designed to stay satisfied.
It quickly shifts to what's missing.
This is why we keep going in cycles
In any situation, we make it mean something positive or negative.
That thought shapes how we feel.
And how we feel drives what we do.
And what we do often proves our thought right, which reinforces the original thought.
For example, your horse doesn’t respond:
- You think: “This isn’t working.”
- That thought creates tension.
- Because you feel tense, you push, overcorrect, or quit.
- And those reactions create less progress, which confirms the thought: “See? It’s not working.”
And this pattern repeats.
What science calls the confirmation bias, is sometimes described as the “law of attraction”.
But in practice, it's simply how your thinking keeps proving itself right.
How this was discovered
Hi, I’m Marijke de Jong, and I didn’t start with the brain. I started with the horse.
For over 20 years, I worked with horses and riders worldwide to solve the problems caused by natural asymmetry with Straightness Training.
Then I started seeing the same pattern in the human mind. Just like the body, the mind is not balanced. It's keeping riders stuck because it’s biased toward problems and what’s wrong.
That’s what I call positive–negative asymmetry of the brain.
The problem is not negativity
Negativity is not wrong. You need it.
So you're not broken.
Nothing is wrong with you.
Focusing on the negative helps you:
- detect problems
- anticipate risks
- learn from mistakes
- get better
- adapt to change
- protect what matters
- be safe
- stay alive
Without it, your ancestors wouldn’t have survived, and you wouldn’t be here!
So it’s part of how we’ve evolved.
But what once helped us survive, can now hold you back.
In today’s world, your brain doesn’t always use negativity in a helpful way.
The real problem is imbalance
The problem is not the negative.
It only becomes a problem when it dominates:
- It gets more attention.
- More weight.
- More airtime.
And that creates imbalance.
You start seeing life through a distorted lens.
Just like a horse has physical asymmetry, the human brain has mental asymmetry.
A lot of people give all airtime to the negative and no longer see the positive in things.
The solution is equal airtime
Not labeling negative thoughts as bad.
Not changing negative thoughts into positive ones.
Not forced positive thinking. Not toxic positivity.
But balance.
We give both channels equal airtime: negative and positive.
Where negative is seen and positive is also seen.
When you start seeing both sides, something shifts:
- You stop reacting and start creating space.
- And in that space, you begin to see and add new and true options.
- You don’t fight the negative. You just expand your thinking.
- You open up to other thoughts, meanings, and possibilities.
And from there, you can perceive the situation from different angles and a wider perspective so you have more options and choices.
It’s not about changing your thoughts.
It’s about seeing more than one.
This is what we do in STEREO Coaching.
STEREO Coaching helps you expand your thinking
It helps you see more clearly, so you can:
- recognize your patterns
- understand what creates your experience
- stop reacting automatically
- and stop living in survival mode
Not by changing your situation, but by changing your focus and seeing more perspectives, meanings, and possibilities.
We do this with a simple framework: the STEREO Map.
The STEREO Map helps you see that it's not the situation (S), but it’s your thinking (T) that creates your emotions (E). And your emotions drive your reactions (R). If you keep reacting, you keep creating the same experience (E). Which reinforces the original thought.
The good news is: thoughts are optional (O).
Expand your thinking, and everything changes.
What changes when you understand
positive-negative asymmetry
Before
❌ You automatically focus on the negative.
❌ Your attention goes to what's wrong.
❌ You notice what's missing.
❌ You imagine worst-case scenarios.
❌ You worry, overthink and stay stuck.
❌ Your brain defaults to survival.
After
✔ You see both sides: positive and negative.
✔ You give equal airtime to what's right.
✔ You notice other thoughts and meanings.
✔ You choose to make it a best-case scenario.
✔ You think on purpose and move forward.
✔ You create space to choose consciously.
When you understand how your brain works, and how to expand your thinking, something shifts.
STEREO Coaching helps you do that.
FAQ
1. Is positive-negative asymmetry normal?
2. Can this be changed, or am I stuck with it?
3. Do I have it? How do I know if this applies to me?
4. What happens if I don’t address it?
5. Is positive-negative asymmetry the reason I hold myself back?
6. Is this the only reason people feel bad or struggle?
The Yes / And Sheet
For riders, instructors, coaches, teachers, and anyone who find themselves overthinking, overdoing, or going in circles.
Expand Your Thinking
Discover the 10 most common thoughts that keep most people stuck – and what is also true.
Not to change your thoughts,
but to balance and expand them.
ABOUT MARIJKE
STEREO Coaching is developed by Marijke de Jong. After decades of coaching riders, instructors, and professionals worldwide she knows how to help people break free from what keeps them stuck.
PRIVATE COACHING
For those who are ready to stop abandoning themselves and start living in alignment. It's a space to let go of old patterns and return to your true self. Work directly with Marijke.
Limited availability. Not for everyone.
